Pride vs. Performance

 

pexels-photo-211882.jpegI didn’t know how to write this post. I didn’t know if I ever wanted to really write this post. But let’s do it. Let’s talk about LGBT Pride and how 2017 has been one of performance for the LGBT community and those allied with them.

I’ve been vocal about my support of LGBT causes and those affiliated with them. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t take umbrage with the way the current American LGBT community behaves. Bisexual erasure is still a huge problem, current SJWs tend to be belligerent when they should be empathetic, and there is still a very problematic vision of what being “gay in America” looks like. But gender and identity questions aside, the pride community despite its flaws does its best to support each other at least in pockets. In pockets, the LGBT community can be loving, supportive, revolutionary. It was on the shoulders of community that Stonewall revolutionized how queer people were treated and it was in the shoulders of community that RuPaul helped shape the world we live in now. In these pockets of community, despite the pain of the less than ideal bunch, we grew and got better.

2015 had a landmark choice in the Supreme Court that paved the way for marriage equality all across this great nation. But that didn’t remove homophobia and transphobia. Shortly after were a string a “bathroom bills” and other flat out awful practices and legal nonsense. But yet the LGBT community  persisted. Strides were made. Idols created. Role models shaped.

And then Trump somehow won the presidency.

With him and his gaggle of GOP goons he could stand to turn on its head all the progress we have made so far. With him, “traditional” views returned to the collective consciousness all the while queer people are even more transparent than ever. So now despite many of the LGBT community already being out and already bring proud now we have to be even more so. I know more than one person who while “out and proud” still don’t participate heavily in pride activities because of some of the hypocrisies within the community.  But now the enemy is at the gate. Hell, he’s inside the gate. The wall has been breeched. The Vandals are inside the walls.

Bob the Drag Queen said it the best: now we have to be even more out and even more proud. Now we no longer have the luxury of hiding in our respectively gay homes. Now we must take to the streets draped in rainbow and clad in glitter to fight the menace that has breached the our inner sanctum. But what about those that who didn’t want to leave their hidden queer residences? Do we have to stand up, too?

Apparently so.

Recently, I took to wearing my LGBT pride shirts out and about. I’m proud to be part of this community. I’m proud of the allies. I’m proud the individuals, but I personally do take issue with some of the concerns listed above. But sometimes extraordinary circumstances require extraordinary support. It feels a little bit like the post-9/11 world. Remember how aggressively patriotic we had to be as Americans? Remember how important it was to be an American? Remember how violently any detractors were treated?

So if this is our Second Stonewall, I will fight at the barricades with you. But know that I am aware of the flaws in this barricade. Know that I am concerned about the hypocrisy. Know that my protest is not in compliance. Know that my support is not blanket. I am here for those who need a voice, but that will not silence my own.

Happy Pride, everyone.

 

Recommended Reading for the Care and Keeping of Your Amanda

Over the past convention weekend Carlos and I were able to air a few of our grievances and we both decided to work harder on being empathetic to each other and he came up with a rather brilliant idea:

Why don’t we each watch one of our favorite shows? That way we can better understand each other.

He offered for me that I should watch [REDACTED: did you think I was going to out Carlos for a blog post?] for him and for me he said he’d watch Gravitation. And that actually gave me a lot of pause (not that his answer was wrong or anything).

What would be the things I’d ask someone to watch/read to help better understand me?

Let’s start with the example Carlos gave: Gravitation. He’s not off the mark. I did spend convention dressed as the main love interest, Yuki Eiri. And I spent the weekend talking about the series a lot. I analogized a moment between me and my ex as one of the scenes from the anime. I sang the anime’s songs. I had a great time. Gravitation is, was and probably will continue to be one of the most important series in the world to me.

But why?

Well, to put it quite simply: I connected with the characters. Yuki Eiri is a stylized blonde version of me and I saw that from a very early age. Finally, a character in a TV show who had to act in many ways the same way I did: putting on a brave face of charm while slowly but surely having to cope with a past too dark to see the light. I loved the music, the animation, the darker storylines in the manga and I could relate to almost all the characters in the series (Except for you, Shuichi, you pink-haired ball of failure and forced happiness.). I empathize with Yuki, I sympathize with Ryuichi. I want them to be free of Tohma’s tyrannical control while simultaneously wanting the same charm, tact and strength that he has. Never before had a series so casually brought up mental illness for me (Yuki Eiri suffering from bipolar II and Ryuichi Sakuma suffering from what if often said to be schizophrenia but is probably dissociative personal disorder). These characters suffered; they had dark pasts but all of them, all of them were more than their collective histories. They wrote their own destinies (some more than others) and that really stuck with me. Besides, I make for a very handsome blonde.

Another great example series for understanding me has to be the obvious: Fullmetal Alchemist. God, this series meant the world to me when it came out. Imagine me: 14 years old, having just 2 years ago buried my father, living with my far too conservative aunts. I was angry. I was sad. I felt like I had no voice. And then busts through the door of my life a short, angry 14 year old blonde boy who faced similar loss and circumstances and took his destiny into his own hands. Edward Elric was my avatar to help me cope with the grief of losing a parent. Suddenly, I wasn’t alone. Suddenly, I had someone who understood my pain and on top o f it, he used science, logic and pragmatism to help him solve problems both emotionally and physically. Additionally, he also wasn’t always positive. He was sad, a lot. He had to be talked up a lot. He wasn’t alone. He had so much love and support around him and that made me feel much less alone in my own life.

Let’s move on to one more example and a more recent one: Twittering Birds Never Fly is a splendid yaoi manga and for the love of all things good and holy I never bonded with a cast of characters more. Which is probably troublesome since the series follows yakuza boss, Yashiro and his gang in a painfully emotional journey that shifts between love, angst, insecurity and the pain of wanting to feel but having to keep on a mask that you sometimes have to keep on because you think that mask proves that you have strength.

Is there any required listening? You bet there is. But sorry, it isn’t all happy stuff. It’s a lot of Panic! At the DiscoGood CharlotteGreen Day and Blink 182. These bands helped give shape to the tangle of feelings I had inside during my less than ideal teen years and if you give a listen to my mp3 player on shuffle, a clear image of who I was and who I came to be starts to form between chorus lines and guitar solos.

That was a fun exercise in self-exploration.

What pieces of media help those you care about better understand you?

Leave your answers in the comments below. This is a safe place. There’s no judgement here, just acceptance.

 

Cultural Gentrification and You

There's no such thing as being too Southern. Lewis Grizzard.png

It started with a simple enough inquiry about mason jars. A coworker asked me where to get a few so of course, being the Southern belle that I am, I asked what the use of the jars would be for. Her answer was frank. She wanted to make parfaits. Parfaits of all things. Think of the history of the mason jar. Once a proud Southern staple that held everything from flowers to nuts and bolts to necessary canned goods that could sustain  a family through the unpredictable winters. Now, they’re the subject of many a Pinterest board about all the fun, crafty things you can do with the versatile glass vessel. So with all that in mind, let’s talk about cultural gentrification, fads and all the tools a Southern lady has in her handbook that are now for some reason very in-style.

We’ve discussed cultural appropriation, dual-consciousness and Southern heritage become codified and popular all before so if you haven’t read those posts, now’s a good time.

I’ll wait.

All done?

Awesome, let’s get started.

So, of course, I had to talk about this matter with fellow Southern black woman and cultural anthropologist, Amber. We had a lengthy talk about how mason jars became suddenly so chic. I remember growing up with mason jars. We received canned goods from family members. We treasured gifts of apple butter, lemon curd, chow chow and bread and butter pickles. My grandfather canned foods. His family canned foods. I learned how to make jams and jellies and curds as I got older and wanted to keep the produce I was getting from the farmer’s market a little longer despite the fickle seasons of South Texas. It was just something good Southern folk did. (Not to say that Yankees didn’t ever can, pickle or preserve.)

Now suddenly, something that was a utility and was therefore kept cheap and easy to access because people used them for everything suddenly became rather expensive. And while I do love all the colors mason jars come in now, they’re far more costly than they ever were and are harder to find as people use them for country weddings, vision boards and to literally hold just parfaits. And I still remember many a Yankee friend question why we kept our flowers in empty pickle jars during my youth despite now these same Yankee friends asking “Where do you get Ball Mason Jars?” like Google doesn’t exist.

This was a conversation had at one of the halcyon symbols of gentrification to us as Southern black people: an overpriced barbecue restaurant. Now the cultural and social conditions that made BBQ a Southern staple could be its own post but I want to talk about a restaurant Amber and I went to: The Granary. It’s a nice place. It’s in the new booming area that is the Pearl Brewery and it has some decent barbecue. But good Lord, it’s expensive. 20 or so dollars for a plate with portions that were small for what a Southern lady expects out of a BBQ place. The sides were decent, too. The pickles were sweet (I like sweet dills, Amber does not). The bread was delicious since it was made with buttermilk. The sausage was good, the brisket was fine but the hitch was the collard greens. Oh the collard greens. Amber ordered them and immediately turned up a frown. She begged me to taste them and I did. They were sweet. Very sweet. Greens aren’t meant to be sweet.

We deduced that there had to be sugar and the sweet dill pickle brine in the vat of greens. Now, sugar is an additive in some recipes for collard greens to cut some of the bitterness (Amber says this is a sin but I know at least one family recipe calls for some sugar to make green palatable). And again, the food history of collard greens and other foods brought out of the terrible burden that was slavery but I digress. We came to the idea that the sugar was added to the greens at The Granary as if someone saw a recipe in an old Southern cook book and didn’t make any changes at all. We all know many Southern recipes may say add ⅛ cup of sugar but that doesn’t always actually mean ⅛ cup of sugar. Feel free to ask my friend Taylor about the pain of Southern recipes. I could never give him a solid measurement of how sugar was in my famous lemon meringue pie recipe because I never had a solid measurement. It always changed based on taste, how I felt and what the pie needed. Another great culinary example of this is “bone broth”. My new-age auntie explained to me that bone broth is just a rich stock made by exploting the gelatin and collagen in the bones of many animals while making stock or broth. To which I then quickly corrected her: “Oh, so the way our ancestors have been making broth for generations.” and she could only simply nod. The “faces” of the bone broth movement have been mostly Paleo Diet white women which is quiet ironic. It was their desire for clearer broths and stocks that lead to bones not being used in the stock-making process. Additionally, there was this fun little add-on to Google Chrome that changed any instance of “bone broth” to “hot ham water” since that’s what it was essentially. There was nothing different about it and as a cultural artifact, despite it’s now apparently health “benefits” it isn’t new and to charge several dollars for a jar just because it’s being rediscovered is disrespectful to the many home cooks who had to keep the bones in broth because that may be the only piece of meat for their family for weeks or even months.

Let’s get back to gentrification. Gentrification is about taking something that was typically accessible to the poor or culturally disenfranchised and making them pop culture and thus driving up the price of them. Suddenly those old tennent homes in the Bronx are oh so chic which is driving out the old rent-controlled tenants who have called those home for decades. Like me with my mason jars, now because they’re en vogue, it’s difficult to find cheap mason jars anymore for the rose jam I make in the summer. My other main concern with cultural gentrification and appropriation is the separation from the roots of these cultural staples.

I’m a proud Southern lady but I am also critically aware that being proud of being Southern is a complex legacy. There are plenty of Southern artifacts that cannot be rehabilitation. A sprawling plantation home was still once a plantation. The food many Southerners hold near and dear came from, started with and were perpetuated by disenfranchised people at minimum and at max were created out of the necessities and horrors of chattel slavery. They are distinct, valid and belong to another culture and the only difference between homage and ripping off is respect. I’m not angry at The Granary for overcharging on small portions of fairly decent barbecue. I know it was from a place of respect. The recipes came from a place of trying to honor the memories of the South.

It’s difficult to take back parts of Southern culture and remove them from the fact that they were often done out of necessity. Black women learned to sew because they had to because clothing was difficult to afford. White women learned canning and pickling to keep crops safe for uncertain times. Poor black folks created barbecue to use up less than ideal parts of animals because that’s what they were given. Taking those cultural artifacts, jacking up the price and making them fancy is literally losing the point. And when an outsider removes the cultural heritage and point of an artifact like using mason jars for just overnight chia seed pudding while not acknowledging the history, trials and struggles that came with those artifacts: again, the point is being lost.

So by now I’m sure you’re asking a few questions. Am I just a bitter Southern princess lamenting over the increased price of a mason jar and the rise of basic bitch Pinterest boards that promote literally gluing cotton balls to pinecones to bring “The South indoors”? Probably. But is there a larger conservation to be had about changing trends, appropriation and being aware of the cultural roots of many common artifacts? Yes, for sure.

A Fan Need Not Always Be Positive

The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. Norman Vincent Peale.png

We’ve talked about fandoms, criticism, cynicism and hype so today let’s wrap up the discussion with a little chat about forced positivity, totem culture and why criticism again does not negate enjoyment.

In all honesty, I thought I was finished with this topic. I got my feelings out of my system. I was done talking about how delicate modern fandom is. Oh, I was wrong. I was so so wrong. It started with a friendly little talk about Harry Potter. I was talking about the popular magical franchise with my coworkers. We’re all sorted into different houses. We have different opinions of the movies versus the books. And then I mentioned that I felt the series was still a bit tired. I brought up points that it despite what the novels do well still continue to perpetuate biblical-esque oversimplifications of good and evil. I said that it continues to shun a diverse cast to focus more on the homogenous main cast. I said that while I loved the movies and read most of the books that it still was like so many other young adults novels, slinging a storied narrative with unilaterally good and unilaterally evil characters except for Snape but we don’t talk about Snape. And after listing the valid complaints that I had, my coworker went on to say rather simply:

Well, I still like it. It sounds like you’re a hater.

Dear reader, how I clutched my pearls.

Me? A hater?

Now, I’ve always prided myself on being the type of fan that never hates something senselessly. I always give something at least 3 episodes (if it’s a tv show or anime), the first 3 chapters (in the case of manga and comic books or novels) and at least the first 30 minutes or so of a movie. I always give something a chance. I research voice actors, writers, directors, intention and all. If I’m going to comment on anything: positive or negative, I try my best to speak to the topic with some ethos.

A hater to me has always been someone who needlessly is critical to the point of being obtuse. And since I pride myself on being an informed fan hurt my ego to the core. And it brought up a more important question. Even though I said I liked this series, can I apparently have no negative opinions on it? When did liking a thing mean that is has to be perfect in every way?

In the last post I mentioned more than once that the shows I care about the most I am the most critical of. I can see the cracks in Fullmetal Alchemist even though that anime got me through one of the most difficult times in my life. I can admit that Axis Powers:Hetalia is a silly totem anime to had but it kept me and my friends close during a time when we were all so far away. I can admit that. But Harry Potter is one especially that seems almost too big to discuss. So many people have had their lives changed by a story about wizards, magic and a world that provided a home away from home for so many. Even in my darkest of hours, Hogwarts was a place that I could escape to when my own home was just as bad as the Dursleys. But just because I enjoy something, doesn’t mean that I can’t see its flaws. Unfortunately, this totem culture with Harry Potter and other media artifacts are frustrating. I love deep conversations and you can’t have a conversation when someone cannot or will not see their beloved body of work complexly. But because so many escaped with Harry Potter, coped with Harry Potter, made friends, families and memories with Harry Potter but that does not mean that it’s perfect: even if it was immensely important to you personally.

Now, here’s where I put some of my own personal flaws on the board. I admit that just because I find totem culture exhausting, that does not give me the right to be disrespectful and I’m willing to admit that if there’s a series I don’t like (looking at you, Yuri on Ice and Attack on Titan) that my opinions can be harsh, unyielding and overbearing. So, call a spade a spade, if I’m mean, I’m mean. However, if I have valid criticisms and present them well, it’s just as rude to be dismissive just because a piece of media means a lot to you.

Speaking of valid criticism, let’s talk about forced positivity. I’ve talked a few times about Internet critics and the juggernauts of fan culture and their either hyperbolic hatred of all things (Looking at you, CinemaSins and Nostalgia Chick) or their emphatic love of all things (Looking at you, Kevin Smith and Chris Hardwick). I take particular umbrage with Chris Hardwick. I’ve been a fan of his since he was the only true nerd on G4 and his particular brand of nerd comedy and at the time obscure references to Neon Genesis Evangelion and Doctor Who were welcomed to a nerd like me who ended up making similar references only to find them falling flat upon my usual familial audience. And then he became popular. Suddenly Nerdist wasn’t just a blog or a screenname: it was a brand. And now as he partners with The Walking Dead and other big studio productions, Chris Hardwick suddenly could not comment on anything negative about the shows he mentioned or reviewed for fear of alienating fans and advertisers. And while sure, plenty of things are better than ever before when it comes to movies, comics, books and games but certainly something can be not as good. Certainly, some of these properties have flaws. Nope, not if you watch The Talking Dead, a show Hardwick hosts with help from AMC. So of course, each episode of The Walking Dead is a monolithic wonder. Each one perfect, special and magical. Even the episode where it’s literally just an hour of walking in the woods. Or even a more recent movie like Suicide Squad. Anyone who loves comics, movies or comic book movies can admit that at best this movie had flaws and at worst was an acid-spitting neon death trap but if you hear from Kevin Smith (the unappointed patron saint of nerd culture) it was a damn masterpiece. I’d like to know which movie he saw. The film I saw was far from a masterpiece. I think the idea of forced positivity is actually quite interesting and many Youtubers have discussed it as well as more than one very well-written article on the subject. There is a feeling that you must if you are online, be positive. And for many of us that struggle with mental illness, faking happiness or joy for a property or product just doesn’t help. If you show me an anime while I’m not in a great head space, it’s unfair then to say that it’s my fault for just not enjoying it or not enjoying it to your level.

But I have some ideas of where totem culture and being too defensive came from. Fan culture has a history of being far from kind. While the outside world was mean to nerds, geeks and fans for years, we also became quite mean to each other. The early years of fan culture created strong ships and massive canons to guard those ships. I have lost plenty of ships, destroyed headcanons and even changed my opinions on shows by weathering the storm of early fan culture. But not every fan took that struggle as a positive. Some took those constant fan battles and bullying and it has made them defensive and afraid of criticism. I’ve heard this time and time again:

Don’t attack my ship.

It’s an admittance of weakness. It’s saying that you don’t want to engage in war. It’s saying you much rather sail the seas of fan culture without incident. You take down your canons, your masts and sail on.

But what so many of those who say “don’t attack my ship” miss out on is the ability to harden your fleet. Sure, sometimes a ship get destroyed. Canons are wrecked. Dreams are dashed upon the cold hard rocks of fandoms, true canon and battles over OTPs. I lost so many ships, Internet and forum battles and came out of that a hardened, knowledge and worldly fan. I resisted the urge to simply revel in echo chambers and I have surrounded myself with people that not only most of the time disagree with me but people who I actually share little in common with.

From that proving ground, I was able to discuss what I like effectively, criticize without cruelty and discuss without hurting others. And while I can respect that some saw a battleground of lost fan ships and decided it was best not to participate in the war, I encourage every fan to at least try and have a discussion about a series or property they like a lot. Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had have been effectively fruitless. I can’t always get someone to see my side and I can’t always get someone to change my mind. That however doesn’t mean I wasn’t thankful for the conversation.

Stay kind, fandom. Stay open. Have conversations. Embrace other opinions. And most importantly, have fun.

Thoughts from A-Kon 28

-This entire weekend has just been me complaining about Yuri on Ice, making pterodactyl noises and non-sexual grunts and running away from my problems.--Said in the Hotel during A-Kon 28.png

It’s always surprising how I feel leaving convention. Sometimes I’m excited to get back on the road and return home and sometimes I never want the weekend to end. Here are the thoughts and feelings I had before, during and after A-Kon 28.

  • I for sure don’t mind the 4 hour drive so much when I get to take breaks.
  • Sometimes hotel breakfast is a trap.
    • No, seriously. Carlos and I were both super sick after hotel breakfast and we didn’t eat it again. And we all know how seriously I take hotel free breakfast so this was very disappointing to me.
  • There’s nothing quite like seeing your ex check into the same hotel you’re staying in.
    • Especially if you didn’t break up with that person on good terms.
      • No seriously, it was a huge emotional burden dealing with those feelings and seeing this person over and over again after such a painful break up was difficult to say delicately.
  • Gen Korean BBQ is still an amazing place.
    • And I get all the banchan since Carlos doesn’t like it.
  • Daiso is still the most magical place I’ve ever been to and they have fantastic candy.
    • No, really. I got 5 bags of apple gummies. Please send more apple gummies.
  • 85C may replace Mozart Bakery as my go-to place for breads.
    • Please don’t tell Mozart. I can’t have them know I cheated on them.
  • Bringing in stuff for a care package reminds me of how extra of a friend I am.
    • I made the boys (Carlos and Ricky) a mix-tape and badges for their service.
      • That’s right, reader. I made a damn mix-tape.
  • After the last few hotels rooms that gave me my own bedroom and bathroom, I’ve grown spoiled to that.
    • I’ve also grown spoiled to having a kitchen.
      • I love Carlos to death as a friend but I need my own bedroom.
        • He snores.
  • I found out about Adam West’s death while at Kirin Court with Carlos and it really messed me up for days.
  • So real talk, I hated A-Kon’s new layout.
    • Ft.Worth is not Dallas. Parking was a nightmare. Finding food was  nightmare and walking even a half a mile in costume while bound, padded, in a wig and in a heavy layered costume is a miserable sort of hell. And spreading it around 3 hotels made the organic fun of “falling” into a place out of the question. We had to plan everything because everything was blocks away. Nothing could be spontaneous. And all the things Carlos and I do, our traditions,  were so far away we could barely enjoy them. Normally 10-20 minute drives because 45 minutes to 1 hour long slogs across I-20. That really ruined some of my fun during this convention.
  • Less jokey panels are fun but interesting.
    • Normally, I’d never try a new panel at such a big con but it was important to me. 150 people saw me over 2 days and I’m proud of them. I got many compliments and people seemed engaged. Now I can workshop them better and be a better panelist. That’s how I grow.
  • It’s difficult being surrounded by media pieces you don’t like.
    • I still dislike YoI and it was everywhere. Literally. And it did upset me once or twice. But the hatred did dull after day 2 of seeing poorly-dressed Victors running around.
      • Fun fact though: I feel really tsundere about YoI because I should love this series and I did finish it but the fandom..god, the fandom hurts me.
  • Really this whole con was just about things that were popular: it was Zeitgeist the Convention.
    • Maybe that isn’t all bad.
  • The 90s Dance Music channel on Amazon Prime music was fire!
    • Nothing like Carlos and I dancing and singing to Barbie Girl.
      • Don’t judge us.
  • I do love cosplayers of all kinds, shapes and sizes but I’ll always rail against shake and go cosplay. Details are wonderful and they make me so happy as a fangirl and cosplayer. I do sometimes wish people cared a little more about these details sometimes but I’m from a different era of cosplay
  • I’m really shaken by the lack of routine we were able to have at this con with it being in Ft. Worth.
    • I’m still disappointed in this days later.
  • I’m upset I didn’t get my tea and cake after a good panel.
    • I did get ice cream, though.
  • I realize now having lived in San Antonio for some years that I seriously miss Taco Bueno and Chicken Express.
  • I’m disappointed in myself that I let people take my joy away.
  • However, Carlos did learn that you can easily melt my heart with a Rowlet.
    • No seriously, I freaked out over my sweet birb son.
  • I worry a lot about Carlos and I as friends.
    • We’re very different in nearly every way and sometimes I wonder why we’re friends and what can come of it. And then he’ll say “Let’s play DDR. I know you like that.” and I’m less worried.
  • Apparently, every Free! cosplayer was at the literal pool at convention.
    • I regret not visiting that pool.
  • I’m realizing that I’m not a huge fan of official merch and I much rather spend my money on original art pieces.
  • RuPaul’s Drag Race is one of the few things Carlos and I can agree on so we literally watched that all weekend.
  • Sometimes, you wear so much highlighter that you get compliments about it.
    • No really, Carlos has never seen me with that much makeup on and I loved living my best Farrah Moan fantasy.
  • There’s nothing like meeting webcomic artists that you follow.
    • Special thank you to Rem of Devil’s Candy and Ru of Saint for Rent and letting me squee over them so much.
  • If a hand fetishist asks for your gloves, do not let him take them for free.
    • Try to auction them off for $50.
      • Then immediately take them off and feel dirty for the rest of the day.
  • Somehow, it’s impossible to run from the things you want to avoid. They will always find you.
  • Sometimes, being the bigger man isn’t rewarding but it’s necessary.
  • I do still love being able to come down from the stage and talk to people. Answering questions is amazing.

I have so many feelings about this A-Kon. I cried in the parking lot for several minutes before driving away and my music choices after driving away didn’t help (I got KanshaBrothers and Wind back to back and I couldn’t help but be emotional, don’t judge me.). Normally the last day of con is a ceremony. There’s cake, there’s tea, there’s time with a friend I only see a few times a year. This time, he had to go to work and I had to drive back home. We didn’t get to live our traditions. We didn’t get to claim the time we had. I let my emotions get to me and that I’m not proud of. But for every moment of being annoyed by poor cosplay choices there were four or five that I loved being able to spend time with friends, fans and idols. A-Kon and conventions are my bread and butter. They’re my life. And I’m glad I went even if it was less than perfect.

Thank you for all of those that saw my panels, asked me questions, asked me for photos, let me take photos of you and all the delicious food I ate and all the fun memories I did make.

See you next year.